This is true: If unborn life were cherished irrespect of their defects, mothers who dearly loved these wanted children would likely endure the suffering of birthing these children no matter how short the life. But as it can be seen, society in general and many in the medical profession in particular, elect the more efficient means for eliminating problem fetuses.

Yes, true: These special children are trying to teach us about tolerance, sacrifice and our ability to endure pain and suffering—in essence, teaching us how to love. If we attempt to eliminate their suffering by their elimination, what does that say about our capacity to truly and deeply love.

God bless you Rachel, and your unborn daughter.
xxxxxxx

Nothing will bring your daughter back. But the truth is, it wasn’t a choice that had to be made. It was one you did choose. I don’t doubt that her condition wasn’t one that was survivable. However, given the fact she virtually had no spine, it would be a flat out lie for any physician to tell you that she was in *pain*. Paresis and lack of sensation is actually what would be the much more likely scenario.

Her heart wasn’t working and this put a strain on yours? Your vascular system is not directly connected to your baby’s. What you say does not make sense. While of course the baby always depends on the mother’s body, your heart cannot pump for your baby’s body. It’s physically impossible. Only twins or multiples in the utero can be affected in such a way as sharing a placenta does in fact share bloodsupply. There are other conditions, pre-E, etc that can arrise for a pregnant mom, but these are not related to the baby or any abnormalities the baby has.

If she was able to feel, a heart attack wasn’t an unpainful death. That’s the thing, I can’t imagine the heart break because I couldn’t know it. But the fact is, your daughter had rights. Actively inducing a heart attack violated her rights. If she had survived to birth, the only good thing she could have experienced in life would have been being held and loved by her parents. Maybe she could hear. Maybe she could have heard your voice. Maybe if she had some sensation she could have felt the warmth of your arms. She could have died with some sense of love and peace.

Do you REALLY think a Dr like Tiller can do this, over and over, ON PERFECTLY HEALTHY BABIES and actually LOVE them? Or was your family income to him? Were you and your situation a sick sense of twisted “power” to him? He’s a piraya. Not a single baby physically capable of feeling dies a painless death at his hands. They die, scared as a needle finds it way thru their skin and into their heart and as the poison works it’s damage. Or, some smaller ones die by D&E, perhaps even more gruesome.

You see when we make those decisions to take away what may have been pain and or suffering, and that decision involves taking her life away, it takes away any good experience she could have had.

I can only imagine in that situation that it felt unfaceable- to watch your baby die, her body very broken by nature. Helpless. Brokenhearted. Maybe the abortions chosen in these cases feel like “doing something”. Or even as protection, for self and child. But this is how life works: sometimes it gives us situations where the only right answer is the most difficult one. And while I don’t doubt it was difficult to chose the abortion, in some way, for parents in your shoes it is easier than facing the birth and death of their child. Or, much more commonly, the birth and life of their disabled child. Or, even more commonly, simply the life of their child (most babies killed at Tillers clinic are healthy).

Grief was a lot given to you regardless of what, if any, choices you made. Unfortunately allowing for free and legal abortion only allows for sick babies to die a painful death before birth, versus allowing disabled people to live in our society, or live the rest of their alloted (THEIR TIME) as nature sees to it.

Suffering is a fact of existence for all of us. Love is greatest when it can empathesize and support us through lives greatest tragedies.

No one would think of deliberately ending the life of a child or adult if suddenly, an injury or disease would cause them suffering and/ or leave them permanently disabled, the unborn are no less deserving of our support, empathy and sacrificial love despite their defects.

If unborn life were cherished irrespect of their defects, mothers who dearly loved these wanted children would likely endure the suffering of birthing these children no matter how short the life. But as it can be seen, society in general and many in the medical profession in particular, elect the more efficient means for eliminating problem fetuses.

These special children are trying to teach us about tolerance, sacrifice and our ability to endure pain and suffering–in essence, teaching us how to love. If we attempt to eliminate their suffering by their elimination, what does that say about our capacity to truly and deeply love.

The truest, purest understanding of Love and Mercy are always associated with supporting life and never with killing it. Mercy killing is a contradiction.

Love endures suffering, invokes empathy and sacrifices for another! Abortion circumvents Love’s ability to fully manifest itself. This truth is hard-wired in us and when we avoid the truth guilt and depression results, or at worst, we risk losing our conscience soul.

I got pregnant ON BIRTH CONTROL (the pill) my husband and i lived in a one bedroom apartment. the docs told me my uterus was septated and would probably miscarry second trimester anyhow….i sure could’ve had an abortion. theres a clinic right in my town….blocks from where we lived. i could’ve walked there. it was never an option. we had to figure how to get out of our lease, how to afford a bigger place in an incredibly RITZY county where we live. nothing is affordable where we live.

the landlord sold the house where our apartment was, the lease was terminated for us! we moved into a cute townhouse at an incredible price! it all fell into place!!!! then my husband got laid off…i was only four months pregnant. could’ve still had an abortion..a clinic about 30 minutes away does second trimesters….things were tight financially…it was really really hard. my husband found a job finally…the docs discovered my uterus was perfectly normal…i had my son…the absolute love of my life. he’ll be a year old right before Halloween.

I wasnt planning to be a mother yet. I didn’t feel ready…there were things i wanted to do for myself first, things we wanted to plan for first financially…there were supposed medical reasons to terminate…please. the list goes on and on. I’m so glad I learned the truth of abortion as a child. I didn’t buy into the lie. and ya know what? life isn’t always easy and sometimes it requires sacrifice but its not reason to kill a child. period. and I’m sorry if that offends you and i don’t mean to sound cruel, but what you did to your child offends me. abortion is never an answer. it doesn’t solve any problems, it just creates new ones. it sounds to me like you are still struggling with the grief of your abortion. is it worth it? Don’t you think your life would be happier (not necessarily easy) with your child? how can any woman think her life would be better off without her child? as a mother i can’t fathom that way of thinking.

You write to me:

“…your overweening statement could be taken as callous…”

–Interesting choice of the word “callous.” In response, true callousness is chopping little unborn babies into bits and ripping their little arms and legs off. My statements have nothing on the true horror of abortion.

“Don’t be so quick to dismiss crimes involving sexuality.”

–I did nothing of the sort. What I said was, rapes comprise a tiny, tiny statistical minority of abortions. Your unsupported opinion that “rapes are underreported” may be true but does not counter the fact that convenience is still the major driving force for abortion. And if rapes are underreported — what of it? Whatever the reason for the abortion, the baby is still just as dead.

“So, Frank, don’t be so quick to dismiss the depravity of others. It’s still out there.”

–Once again, true depravity is pulling the limbs off little babies. Nothing, absolutely nothing, gives anyone the right to do the foregoing. Humor, rationalizing, weird references to “bong water” and channelling Tim Leary, references to peeing sitting down, whatever — none of them excuse sitting by and allowing babies to get chopped up, having their skulls crushed, inducing massive heart attacks, etc. If you want to think me callous, go ahead, it’s a free country…and maybe that’s part of the problem, isn’t it? We’re free to kill our own unborn by ripping them to bits in utero. Now that’s more than “callous” — it’s so monstrously horrible any sane person reels at the thought…

Frank – I do not believe that you intended any harm or disrespect. However……rape is a vastly under-reported crime. As a rape victim myself who denied this reality for more than a decade after it occurred, I know this to be true.

I have seen the face of sadism and cruelty up close, and it didn’t derive from Dr. Tiller. Even today, I’m required to protect myself. It helps less and less these days now that I look like Amy Winehouse’s slightly overweight, massively under-intoxicated aunt, but it happens nonetheless.

I’m sure you weren’t attempting to minimize this tragedy, but your overweening statement could be taken as callous were I really the cold, hard b-word I can sometimes come across to be.

Finally, I do not seek to change any of your minds about abortion. For most (if not all) of you, abortion is morally unthinkable at any point in time – for any reason. As a younger woman, and during my 13 years as a Catholic, I would have certainly agreed with you.

Just some further thoughts here: I do not believe my very early abortion was a crime. I believe it was a tragedy; I will always believe it to be so. Others may not agree – on either side of this issue. For some, I should have been tossed in prison without discourse (or due course). Others may confuse the word “tragedy” with criminality – and take offense.

My intention is not to cause pain to anyone – be they post-abortive or non-abortive. The reasons why I am both pro-choice (to a point) and ultimately unable to work at an abortion clinic are acutely personal. I have thought very deeply about this issue – concurrently with taking responsibility for my own actions so long ago. Two realities remain: The lingering sadness and the inability to render abortion illegal for all women at all time. Is this dichotomous? Not in my opinion. I cannot live any other way.

Frank: Don’t be so quick to dismiss crimes involving sexuality. I despise my own impregnator so much that he barely merits mention. Moreover, he’s disabled now, so perhaps I should exude some restraint. Live by the Golden Rule. So I’ll let him keep his dignity, just like I would expect to be left alone if I needed help making water (Bong water or otherwise) and spending my life channeling Timothy Leary and mourning my youth.

Mike: For god’s sake, give me a break here. What part of “I cannot work at an abortion clinic” did you fail to understand? I “did not mention the fetus?” Why in the world do you think I oppose these late-term procedures as gravely immoral? If you need to demonize me, criticize me for this much: I’m a mean, mouthy wench who can’t forgive her own rapist! I mean, he and I have something in common: We both pee sitting down, but there’s no ignominy in it for me! I’m a girl!

Oh well, I shall not see his like again, of that I am fairly certain. Although a girl sometimes has to utilize creativity to ward off disaster. “I was a born a man, but those test results say I’ll soon die a woman,” was my recent brush-off to an unwashed denizen of the mid-town landscape.

So, Frank, don’t be so quick to dismiss the depravity of others. It’s still out there – I’m just more feisty – and less brain-dead – than I used to be.

my dad died suddenly and tragically at 43 years of age. my mom was left suddenly a widow at 40 with four children ( i was the youngest and was only 3) I respect her faith so much. Even in this horrible situation she never questioned God. She didn’t understand it, and she suffered greatly but it was a comfort to know even though the situation seemed crazy God had it in HIS control.

What your pastor said is blashphemy. that truly makes me angry. he needs to go back to seminary and read his bible. the bible clearly says “ALL things work together for good to them that love God” (Romans 8:28) I don’t know the mind of God, I don’t know why he made your daughter with all those problems…but i do know when he made her that way it wasn’t a mistake. I hope you read your bible and pray that God will show you some answers. situations like yours can make some people bitter and I really hope that doesn’t happen to you. i’m praying for you rachel really I am. and i don’t mean that in a holier-than-thou type of way, but as one mom to another, my heart really feels for you.

That would be a really good idea! Maybe you should email OR or something and suggest that they establish such a group?

Thank you for your post – we do sound similar. I am also a Christian, I will be honest, this is a definate faith tester. I was raised God is a loving God. He doesn’t ‘punish’, although I couldn’t feel like he WASN’T punishing me, does that make sense? I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact God would create a life full of pain (my daughter). Our minister told us in his opinion, even God can make mistakes.

I feel so awful for your friends. I can not imagine what they went through – especially being their first child. Did they ever know what was the cause of it? I do agree human life is precious…I will never say otherwise. I didn’t need my daughter to be perfect as someone implied earlier – I just wanted to her to have SOME sort of of a life and was told by both doctors she wouldn’t. I can not tell you how hard it was to hear that.

Frank~

I apologize for the confusion…the syndrome my daughter had has different levels of severity. The more mild forms ARE livable, mostly loss of lower body control (leg movement, bowel, bladder issues). Normally this means wheelchair confinement & colostomy bags….nothing horrible. The severe forms (what my daughter had) occur when a majority of the spine is malformed, numerous internal abnormalities (non-functioning or non-existing organs), usually absense of bowels(anus) & sometimes genitalia…the list can just go on & on. It’s easier to list what isn’t wrong when it comes to severe cases. I did mention speaking to a gal who has this condition — hers is mild. She would know more than most doctors (and usually does) how the severity can affect life. If you check the second link I provided on the syndrome (thefetus.net) the Prognosis section states, “Depends on the severity of the spinal defect and associated anomalies, but the vast majority of survivals requires urologic and orthopedic interventions. Severe forms are commonly associated with cardiac, renal and respiratory problems, which are responsible for early neonatal death.”

As to your comment about “I myself don’t want to go through this” I AM going through it. I’ve seen grandparents pass away – and the gasp for the last breath is not something I like to remember. It’s a horrible sight etched in my mind. I would not put my own child through that. I refuse. I can not tell you how hard I prayed over my decision. I’ve dealt with a nasty divorce and a brutal sexual assault…those two combined do not equal the pain I have and still feel over my daughter.

I agree 100% abortions for mere convenience (rock concert, teen – or any age – thinking their life is ‘over’) are absolutely horrible. There are TOO MANY other options (adoption). I honestly never knew, until it happened to me, just how sad pregnancy can be. My heart breaks for all of the couples who desperately try for a child and are unsuccessful.

I want to tell everyone on here how much I appreciate the level of respect I have been shown. I know our opinions are very different, but it is nice to hear what each other has to say. I am learning a lot from this posting, as I hope (possibly) you are too?